It’s weird how you can see lots of pictures of someone on the these little squares and not really know the story that is behind them. I started my Instagram back in July. I was feeling really lost on what my role was in life. We had moved back in with my parents with only being married for 4 months and my bad eating haibts and anxiety and self esteem was at an all time low. I felt pretty crap about life in general, but most importantly, I was fed up with constantly feeling like I had the world on my shoulders regarding my anxiety, depression and my eating disorder. After months of discussion with my husband and bestfriend, I decided to start posting on my Instagram in the hope of helping other people with mental health and to finally start talking about it with no shame.
My first post was with my two boys, Oscar and Arthur. I was wearing a new summer dress and my description was about doing it for them and wanting to change for them. In that one picture it had captured me in a nut shell – a mother to two boys and someone that also has got shit going on and uses shopping as kind of therapy. As a mother, I think you almost loose your identity and who you are and I also didn’t want to be known for the one with the eating disorder. So that’s when I started posting about these three things… STYLE-MOTHER-BEAT
My love for fashion started when I was about 19. In the years before that I was extremely over weight and had no confidence in anything I wore as didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. When I lost the weight, with out sounding like to much of a cliche, I really found out what sort of person I was. I was someone that loved beauty and fashion. Shopping is my therapy. Some may say that is an unhealthy thing, but if I’m feeling crap or had a rubbish day, then buying myself a pretty blouse or a new t- shirt then it really turns that bad day into a better one. My husband always says now, if it looks wacky, George will wear it. Which is true 99% of the time. You wouldn’t see me strutting around in a crop top those days have gone… To be honest, I don’t think they ever started. I love to post my new finds and how I put things together, I get a total buzz from inspiring others to try new things that they would of never usually thought of buying. Do I get things wrong? Yes. But I love trying all these new things and being inspired by other women on Instagram.
Being a mother as all of you other mums will know is the most rewarding thing you will do. That being said, it can be bloody hard. I love my boys dearly but they do drive my insane. I like to share my highs and lows with my two and their wins and losses because that is real life parenting. It’s ok to loose your shit sometimes – I don’t think you’re normal if you don’t. I constantly have rushes of guilt and mixes of emotions. Am I doing this right? Could I be better? The list is endless. The truth is, I’m probably doing something wrong along the way but to know we all have these parenting woes makes it that little bit easier.
My mental health is the main reason I started posting and sharing my life on Instagram. For a very long time my mental health and my eating disorder was my little secret. I constantly relapsed and would always be back to square one… really sad and very alone. When I decided to ask for help, it was the biggest relief to tell my closest friends and family and to finally speak more openly about it. It took a lot of balls and strength to start speaking about it via Instagram. Friends that had not known me in my bad times were unaware of how bad it really was and how messed up I once was. I’d also be lying if I just sat here and said being more open had cured me because it hasn’t. Being more open has helped me so much. More than I could of ever have imagined. I tell my husband everything. If I’m feeling crappy or if I have I feel like I could have a bad day with my eating. I will ask him to keep an eye on me because I am no longer ashamed to ask for help and neither should anyone else be. Mental health is a serious illness and something we shouldn’t be ashamed of talking about. Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not real. I’ve learnt that some of the smallest steps can be the biggest because talking about mental health takes a whole lot of courage. If you decide to take that step and start being more open, you’ll realise how strong you can be.